Mitch (has a blog)

These skills are not mine but I wish they were.

1. This is scene from that movie where Mojo’s family is captured by the Samurai overlords and he goes to the temple to train with a renowned kung-fu master and his first task is to fight off scores of students with only an ice cream cone but he accidentally eats the cone and thus learns that his true enemy is his own gluttony. Honestly, it was a horrible movie. I just did it for that Lead Gaffer credit!
2. This is the definition of the word Aposiopesis. I’ll use it in a sentence. “So there I was, trapped by the Hippopotomas Queen when—”
3. Here we see a man drinking from a fire extinguisher, which is a horrible idea unless he just swallowed a fire, in which case it’s a good idea. Unless it was a grease fire, which means he should be swallowing a blanket.
4. Back around the time of this sketchbook, I was taking a letterpress course (the same one these fine folks took). I drew my instructions for setting your type in the press bed. At least I think it’s called the press bed. I didn’t pay much attention. It was during this time that I learned that no matter the amount of interest I have in the subject, if you put me back in an educational environment, I resort to my schoolboy ways. I disregarded homework; I ignored the teacher and wasted my time doodling; I even called up Lois Hopper and asked her to the Junior Dance. This time she actually said yes, but then I was informed that the dance was 15 years ago and that I’m not allowed to date. Wives. Am I right, fellas?
5. One of the few things I did learn in that letterpress class is that Dan Mall is an unstoppable eating machine, and consequently wastes nearly 50% of his day actively putting food in his mouth. So I invented an amazing solution. You may have noticed Dan won the Nobel Prize for Greatness? All my doing.
6. This is just a fellow who is entirely hands. Even his feet are hands. You and five other friends can all greet him at the exact same time.
7. This is Lemburton Leigh. His only goal in life is to iron things. I didn’t have enough room to fit in his name, but inside the “O” in Lemburton there’s an iron. Other items of note that contain iron at their very center are the Earth, My Uncle Harlan’s left tibia, and Tootsie Pops for robot trick-or-treaters.
8. Here’s a little drawing trick from a professional illustrator. You can drastically cut down on the amount of human anatomy you need to draw if you always draw people standing in water. Up until college, every family Christmas Card I ever drew was set in a nativity scene that had mysteriously flooded.
9. Mojo’s favorite pizza actual is pretty good, but you can’t find many pizza places qualified enough to make it. Soviet judges are notoriously stingy with their 6.0’s.
10. Science fiction writers are often exploring the ethical questions of the future. For instance, is it morally wrong to fall in love with a robot? I suspect it’s fine, unless it’s your neighbor’s robot wife. That’s double-coveting.
11. Wow, another opportunity for a coveting joke. Good job, Kev. Nothing fills the seats like Bible humor. Keep ‘em coming, stupid.
12. This was the idea for a story where a man goes deep-sea diving only to find a gopher has stowed away in his suit. That’s the end of the first act, and then it goes into this thing where the gopher is searching for his father. But in order to bring the father into the scene I had to have him trapped in a diving suit as well, and then suddenly I’m bringing in all these other woodland creatures to resolve the plot which means I have to have all of them trapped in a diving suit and then I got fifty characters to keep an eye on and half of them are just people in diving suits standing around and then it’s like “What the hell, is this like an underwater wedding? Why are all these people diving here?” and before you know it this is a 750 page children’s book. So I scrapped it. But I have this other idea which is pretty marketable — “Everyone Vomits”.